My very first time that I saw a pornography magazine I was about 8 years old. My much older cousins use to have them in their rooms and I would sneak in and take peaks of naked women. Obviously at this age it was more out of curiosity than anything else, however these were not the Playboy type magazines but more hardcore like Hustler.
When I reached 10 years old, out of shame and a need to be honest, I confronted my parents about my findings and they were laughing. I was shocked! I thought that I would be in such trouble. Then my Dad took one of his magazines and it was really, really hardcore to tell me that these type of magazines exist and their is no shame in looking at them.
All I can tell you that from that day forward my collection began to grow and my parents condoned it. In hindsight it was not the best parenting move since essentially this is what started to fuel my sex addiction. I was learning to wire my brain, as I went through puberty, to learn about sex from fantasy magazines that have no resemblance of real life.
At the tender age of 15, in Miami, I met this girl on the beach that was about 17-18. We hit it off right away and she even invited me back to her hotel room while her parents were gone. This was it! I was going to lose my virginity!!! Once the deed was done, I felt alive but dead, in a dream like world but in a nightmare. At the time, for sure I was happy, I just got laid for the first time. However, it was nothing like what I was use to watching. It was kind of disappointing in that sense, but at least I had my very first ejaculation.
Not long after I started calling the sex phone lines that were advertised on the porn magazines. Of course I would fantasize that the woman in the picture of the ad was the actual person on the other end of the line. I started ramping up crazy phone bills and my Mom would lose her shit on me. At the time I had a part-time job so I could pay for the bills, but my Mom would get so upset about each month the bill would come in. I was full of shame but for the life of me I could not stop…
Eventually the VCR came into the home and some of the older guys in high school would go and rent or buy me some porn tapes at the local video store. This was fantastic! Who needed a girlfriend? I had the hottest girls, naked, in front of me and I was learning to dominate them in my fantasy world. This certainly helped me lower my phone charges as now I could actually watch the women doing it on screen.
My first girlfriend was at 17. A beautiful blond headed girl, one year older than me and I actually had to chase her quite a bit. She was a devout Christian, virgin until married type of girl. I respected her so much that I thought I could go the course. I was in love with her however I had this demon that had been fed so much garbage deep inside of me and all he wanted was sex. So the games began, I begged and pleaded with her, I manipulated her into having sex with me. Eventually she gave in….I took that beautiful girls virginity to satisfy my demon. More about her here….
The reason I mention her is that the effects of pornography, sexual abuse and my mental disorder had already started taking its toll to hurt people severely.
You can learn more about porn addiction and its effect on the brain of a teenager here:
Of course as the internet came to be porn became a bigger and bigger problem. Faster connections, more material, free material, chat rooms, etc.
Currently there is very limited laws in place to view online porn. We will only see its devastation as this new generation grows a little older. Sex addiction will become an epidemic quickly if things do not change.